01
Design
Build your panda
Choose size, temperament, and a bamboo plan. Add an embroidered name to the certificate. Everything is configured before a single paw leaves the facility.
Est. on a whim · Dispatch worldwide
A panda.
To your door.
For an undisclosed
period of time.
You design the panda. We dispatch the panda. It arrives, it settles, and it stays exactly as long as it decides to. No tracking number. No return window. Just a panda, and the quiet thrill of not knowing.
Currently dispatching to 62 countries. The panda chooses the route.
The process
Three steps. One panda.
It works a little like building a bear, except the bear is a panda, the panda is real, and the part where you take it home happens in reverse: it comes to you, on its own schedule.
01
Design
02
Dispatch
We send it by air
Your panda is reviewed, approved, and dispatched to your residence. We do not share the flight number. The panda prefers a degree of mystery, and so do we.
03
Residency
It stays a while
The panda arrives and makes itself at home. How long is a matter between you and the panda. We make no promises and set no alarms.
Build yours
Configure the panda
Tap to specify. The certificate updates as you go. None of it is binding on the panda.
Size
Temperament
Bamboo plan
Arrival window
Your configuration
A Standard, Serene panda
SizeStandard
TemperamentSerene
BambooBring your own
ArrivalSoon
DurationUndisclosed
Request this panda
Membership tiers
Choose your level of commitment.
The panda has not chosen its level of commitment. That part stays open.
The Visit
Quietly priced
- One panda, dispatched once
- Standard temperament selection
- Certificate of dispatch, unframed
- Duration: undisclosed, presumed brief
The Residency
On application
- One panda, fully configured
- Priority air dispatch
- Embroidered name on certificate
- Managed bamboo, first month
- Duration: undisclosed, likely longer
The Indefinite
Discussed privately
- One panda, no agreed end
- Estate bamboo grove planted
- A second certificate, sealed
- Dedicated panda liaison
- Duration: the panda decides, forever an option
Order of dispatch
Every panda ships with papers.
A single document accompanies your panda. It records what you chose, what we agreed, and the one thing neither of us can promise.
SpecimenAiluropoda, leased
Dispatched toYour residence
ConfigurationStandard / Serene
Return windowNone
DurationUndisclosed
Reasonable questions
Panda FAQ
How long will the panda stay? +
Undisclosed. This is the central feature of the service, not an oversight. The not knowing is the point.
Is it a real panda? +
We prefer not to discuss the panda's exact nature before dispatch. What arrives will be panda-shaped, panda-sized, and panda-tempered. Draw your own conclusions on arrival.
What does it eat? +
Bamboo, primarily. Also your patience, the occasional houseplant, and any sense you had of a normal daily routine.
Can I keep it? +
The Indefinite tier exists precisely so that we never have to answer that question out loud.
Is any of this legal? +
Our legal panda is reviewing the matter. It has been reviewing the matter for some time and has not yet returned.
What if it never leaves? +
Then, by the plainest possible definition, you have made a friend.
Request a panda.
Tell us nothing about your schedule. We will tell you nothing about the panda's. Somewhere in the middle, a panda arrives.
Begin the request